"Let that ship sink- for you cannot pull it back."

Late in the evening on April 14, 1912, the R.M.S. Titanic hit an iceberg and sank into the icy waters of the North Atlantic, killing 1,517 of the 2,223 passengers and crew members aboard.

Now there are many conspiracy theories surrounding why it happened, but my favorite one to date is "The Unlucky Mummy Story"

(The story goes, After being excavated and brought from Egypt, an ancient, mummified princess left a trail of death and devastation across England in the early 1900s, according to mythology. The haunted mummy was eventually purchased by an American archaeologist after a group of British art collectors and museum workers had it with it. Despite the cautions of his coworkers, he returned to New York with his new possession.

The mummy, however, and the unhappy scholar, never made it to America. Because, surprise, surprise, the ship they left on was called the RMS Titanic!)

But, Was the fate of the Titanic sealed by an ancient mummy?

No, a lack of lifeboats and human mistakes were to blame for the marine disaster.

It's funny how humans tend to find various excuses for their actions and take little to no accountability for them. If you can change the outcome, do work for it.

If I was the one who made the TITANIC, man I would have not let that accident happen, even if it wasn't in my control.

Coming to what I wanted to talk about, It has always been concerning how I find myself in situations where I don't have the power to make it better, but I am expected to work with extreme caution so that I don't ruin the already worse scenario.

Being a daughter, "retaining the peace" has always been on the agenda.

Someone is angry? Change the topic to lighter subjects.

Someone is fighting? Intervene to calm them.

Someone is pissed at me? Do everything to please them.

Saying sorry 100 times a day, Thanking people for the bare minimum, and yada yada.

I just CAN NOT be pissed at someone. And even if I am, It will be "disrespectful" to show it. And if I hurt someone, I just can not get over it. I am so hell bent in making them happy again, that I forget, I don't need to do that. Its their choice if they want to forgive me or not.

Some might call it "incessant need to be in the good graces", I call it, "scared of tough love".

The funniest part is, as much as I want to let go, I am trapped more viciously in this circle of retaining the peace, pleasing everyone, being cOnSiDeRaTe, while the other person is just using me over and over, and then crying over it.

Why am I not being treated the way I want?

cause I celebrate the loss

of the sunken ship

more than the fact

that I am alive.

cause with every breath I inhale,

every heartbeat,

and every blink,

I worry about the fish in the sea

and not the humans

who just got saved.

Cause I am so tied to

the impression of a perfect world,

where the ship is still sailing

where the marine life is in peace,

That I cannot fathom

even the slightest imperfection

even the slightest bump in the road.

That I take every disrespect

shoved at me

That I keep brainstorming "what ifs",

instead of "now what?"

cause I shrug away

when they touch my shoulder

to say

"let that ship sink- for you

cannot pull it back".

-mehreen